We Need To Stop Outing Each Other

Nico Hine’s controversial article reminds us that it’s never cool to out someone.

If you didn’t read about the article, Hines is a married heterosexual who downloaded different dating apps – including the exclusive gay ones – where he found Olympic athletes who wanted to hook up. His article described physical characteristics in such detail that it was obvious who he was talking about. The article was taken down hours after its initial posting because of the received backlash.

It’s disturbing that Hines knows that athletes from all over the world gather for the Olympic, yet it didn’t occur to him that some of them could come from countries where their sexuality is a secret or not supported. Hines is the example of the straight guy who thinks he’s open and progressive to talk about LGBT issues, yet lacks basic understanding of what it means to be gay.

But this highlights a bigger issue: no one should be outing anyone. The horror stories of guys outing another guy because of heartbreak or jealousy. Many in the community are comfortable with this kind of outing, as if these guys deserved it, but I disagree.

First, if you get involved with a closeted guy, you should be aware of the risks and not get mad because you didn’t live happily ever after. It was never going to happen.
But you say, “Oh he didn’t tell me, he lied to me.” Although that does happen, there almost always red flags waving all around you that you didn’t see because you were so consumed with the moment. Even if he’s a lying cheat, don’t out him because your dumbass didn’t investigate more.

It’s easy to test a guy and see if he’s out – when in doubt, try something as simple as a touch in public. (That’s if he even hangs out with you outside of the bedroom). Try some hugging or flirting and put him to the test.

Before you get involved with a closeted guy, try to think of what will happen after he’s had his fun.

6 Reasons to be in a Relationship with Your Polar Opposite

One of the worst things you could do is date someone who is exactly like you.

Why? Your dating life will be very dramatic.

Realize that dating someone like you is different from dating someone with similar interests (you can date your opposite and still enjoy the same activities!).

Of course, there are some downsides to dating someone who isn’t like you.

Usually, problems begin from a misunderstanding of your fundamental differences, and these dissimilarities might seem like a personal attack against the other. For example, I’ve been told I’m distant and don’t share much information about myself. I’m not trying to be cold but being a reserved person, it’s very hard and awkward to share intimate details. It’s not that I don’t want to explain my feelings; I don’t know how to.

Being with someone different forces you to empathize with the other person: Am I really a cold-hearted bitch?

Aside from some potential conflict, dating your compete opposite is amazing and the pros outweigh the cons so here are 7 reasons to find the guy who is nothing like you:

1. He will keeps you in check.

When your dramatic ass is up in the clouds, he brings you back down to reality. He may not do it in the most graceful way and may piss you off, but if you keep an open heart, his genuine intentions give you insight .

After a while, you’ll exchange ideas. You’ll probably disagree, but will begin to question trivial things: Should I really ruin my day because my boss was a smart-ass? Maybe I am overreacting because that guy was staring. 

2. See issues from a different perspective.

His side of the story will make you think twice about your own views and prejudices.  Not everything is black and white! Looking through his lens gives a radical perspective opening your own mind to different viewpoints. The maturity and depth of understanding is is one of the best things you can get from someone who isn’t like you.

3. Break out of your comfort zone.

You can live vicariously through him. Sometimes, I’m not confident enough to do something goofy or make a fool of myself in public, and that’s when he steps in. It’s nice to have the same experience next to someone who has the self-confidence and control of the situation. These kind of moments help you to break out of your comfort zone.

4. A deeper layer of love – Maturity beyond the superficial.

Some confrontations will force you to question your relationship and ask the hard questions: Are we really compatible? Do I love this person?

Some people think this is a bad way of thinking, but there’s nothing wrong with questioning your relationship. When you start asking the tough questions, you find the meaningful answers.

Relationships are like puzzles with missing pieces: it’s up to both of you to find and place each piece in its proper position. Sometimes, situations will take more of your effort, other times his, but most often both of you will have to put the same work into the relationship. Little by little that puzzle will show you a clearer picture of what the two of you compose.

5. You’ll discover new interests.

Your tastes might clash, but you’ll pick up new tastes along the way! Whether it’s movies, music, hobbies or foods, get ready to enjoy what you thought you’d never like.

Plus, when you keep an open mind and find commonality, you’ll grow closer.

6. You’ll always have time for yourself.

For the times when you really just aren’t interested in the same events or hobbies, you’ll get a break for yourself.

This is when you really appreciate your boyfriend for being so different. I mean, would you really want to do the same thing with the same person all the time?

Having your own interests is healthy to keep you feeling independent. Plus, time spent away makes you think more of your man so when you’re together those moments can be more fulfilling.

There you have it, go find yourself a guy who is nothing like you! Can you think of other reasons? Let me know!

Feeling Self-Conscious on Instagram

Seriously, it feels like no matter where a guy goes now he is surrounded by good-looking people.

Before social media, it was the popular guy at school or random stranger on the street that made us self-conscious. Sure, TV and movies always had images of hot guys, but they were distant and out of reach – not the Joe Schmo you saw on a daily basis.

Times have changed. With all the apps of today, it is so easy to feel insecure from the comfort of your own bedroom!

Is Instagram good for your self esteem?
No doubt one of the best feelings of being on Instagram is that with a simple hashtag you can accumulate likes from unknown people.

Hash-tagging makes it easier to connect with people of similar interests or lifestyles. With the hit of the post button, we can start getting attention from anyone in the world if he so happens to see our photo and like it. Who knew that #instagay or #gayguy could help us feel so connected?

But how bad is social media for our health?

Social Media and Anxiety
Studies show that social media can affect your mental health. This useful post sums up some of the cons that come with social media.

One study from the University of Salford found that users’ anxiety increased after using Facebook and other networking sites. This isn’t to say that the study is without flaws (it was a self-reported survey), but such studies are useful because a lot of us  really do get affected by what we see online.

I definitely don’t hit the gym everyday (or week), nor was I blessed with model looks so it can be sickening after scrolling through so many posts and seeing hot guy after hot guy…

“Get your fat ass to the gym!” you say and while you’re right (I should be working out instead of typing this), it seems that Instagram and other social media sites are not helping our self esteem in the long run. For the guys with banging bodies this is no problem because they will constantly get attention. But what about the rest of us who don’t get as many likes?

Getting Naked for Likes
We could always resort to scandalous gay selfies to gain more likes and followers. Posting a pic of your sweet ASSset is a wonderful solution to get more attention (as long as you feel posting shameless selfies).

But what if we don’t want our slutty pics online?

Unplugging and Filtering
Ultimately, there are some simple answers to all of this:

1.) Not caring
Some guys are doing the right thing by being online for themselves. They post what makes them happy, and if a post doesn’t get many likes, it’s not a big deal!

2) Unplugging
Every so often, we should try to turn off our devices and do something else. Basically, the point of unplugging is this: the downtime away from your phone can give your mind a breather and a mental health boost!

3) Filter the feed
We can choose to follow people who aren’t about looks. For instance, I love following photographers who shoot skyscrapers. My Insta feed is usually filled with cool buildings which I much prefer over seeing than a guy in his new jockstrap (sometimes).


Rule #18: Perfect the Belfie – Booty Selfie

So you think you’re so cute texting that hot guy while you send him little emojis. Then, you get that text asking for some nudes. What do you do now? Hopefully, you have an album containing bootylicious photos that you save for special occasions like this. But if you’re one of those who doesn’t, then keep reading for some tips to show that ass:

1. Find your best angle.
If you don’t know which cheek is cutest, check yourself out in the mirror after you shower. See what side of your butt looks best. It helps if you do some posing, the point is to find out which side makes your ass look fatter. Right? Left? Full visual? You decide.

2. Take it post-workout.
You’ll feel your sexiest when your body is nice and tight. This is a perfect opportunity.

3. Wear some cute undies.
Unless you have the cheeks that can crack a walnut, underwear makes a big difference than just a plain ass. It adds an element of desire, even if it’s a jock or thong. Something about that extra layer of material adds to the sexiness. So always opt for some fabric.

4. Good lighting.
Make the sure the lighting is flattering to you. If you can do natural light, it’s better. Open a window and let the golden suns shine down on your booty.

5. Practice makes perfect.
The nice thing about selfies is that you can take as many as you want and never show anyone. So anytime you feel like posing, take a selfie! The more you take, the better you’ll find an angle that works for you.

6. Remind him what he’s missing.
The point of a belfie is to make the guy’s mouth water. Make sure the photo would even turn you on. Are you turned on? Awesome. Your naughty self can send it away.

Caution: Please remember to not show your face and no matter how much you think you can trust someone remember that it can always be used to blackmail you. Recognize the risks and proceed.

The Swedish Gay Queen – Noonie Bao

Noonia is queen! Her lyrics are dark, precise, and chilling.
If you’re a psycho gay, then you will definitely relate!

Exactly who is she?
She hails from Sweden (where a number of gay queens come from!), and has been writing music for a long time. She’s best friends with Charli XCX .

Even if you’ve never heard of her, chances are you heard her vocals on the Avicii track “I could be the one.”

Recently, she released his new single Reminds Me.

She’s very Kate Bush-esque.

She’s an amazing artist. I love her work, and wish her the best!

Follow her!

5 Things I learned from Gay Sex

I was in my early 20’s when I lost my virginity. In the gay world, that can seem old. Personally, waiting as long as I could had its benefits, but I was definitely more uptight than guys my age (no pun intended). Over the years, I’ve learned to become more comfortable with my body, but here are 5 things I’ve learned from sex:

5 Things I learned from Gay Sex.

1. You’re in control of your own body.

Seriously, we all hear this and know this is true yet it’s easy to be influenced by a pushy guy. Remember, after he gets off he’s not going to be thinking of you so only go as far as you are comfortable. This rings especially true if you’re dating someone. If he’s pushy and insists and after a couple dates, that is a red flag that he does NOT want to date you. Send him to another guy who wants to have sex and move on until you find the guy who will understand that the time will come when you are ready.

2. The nastier, the better.

Seriously, don’t be afraid to be nasty. Call names, slap, pinch, squeeze, suck, lick, and do what you want with every part of him. His body is all yours for that moment and he’s giving it to you. As long as you respect yourself, don’t be afraid to push your limits and try something a little freaky. You won’t regret it!

3. There will be noise.

Bodies are sliding together, there’s bound to be some funky noises. Don’t let those bother you and keep moving. Also, don’t talk. Nothing kills the mood more than talking and a back-and-forth exchange of what? and huh?. 

4. Position is key.

If something feels weird, just try it again a different position. Quick example: you may not be able to do that amazing spread eagle you’ve seen in porn. From here two things can happen: 1) You just need more practice; 2) It’s impossible.  If it’s impossible for your body, move on and do not endure pain that can cause physical damage. You have a million other ways to show sensuality, passion, and kinkiness.

5.My own body.

This wasn’t so obvious to me before, but I didn’t realize how much I was going to learn about my own body. I now know what turns me on and what doesn’t. I can tell if something wrong is happening down there or not. You become more in  sync with your body and its needs. This has definitely help me to appreciate myself, and has made for a better sex life.

What have you learned from sex?

I cheated, now what? 10 things you can do now to save your relationship

Everyone has an opinion on infidelity. So many of us have been cheated on or know of someone who has been. But what about when you’re the unfaithful one?

If ever asked, my answer was usually something like, “I hate cheaters. I’d never forgive someone who cheated me.” Little did I know that I was talking about myself.

Maybe you find yourself in the same position and are thinking, what now? Finding out why you cheated is going to be incredibly difficult, I’ve struggled with this myself, and you’ll have to answer questions honestly. But if you’re reading this,  it’s because you want to save your relationship, and you’re willing to dig deep to find the way to make your man trust you again.

Let’s start with the 10 things we can start doing now to mend our relationship:

Infidelity hurts.
1. Admit that it was your decision to cheat.

Yes, something happened which caused you to cheat. Maybe he didn’t give you attention, you were stressed, got caught up with work, etc. but this isn’t the time to blame your other half. Despite of what he may have done wrong, you have to recognize that the decision to cheat was yours. Remember that no one took a gun to your head and forced you to stay in the relationship. If you wanted to  try something else, you should’ve been honest.

2. Tell the truth.
Don’t try to cover anything up. Now is the time to confess everything you did wrong. Yes, it’s going to hurt him, and yes, you will probably be embarrassed to admit it all but say it! You will lose credibility if you cover things up and he finds out the truth later on. Lying will only come back to bite you. If you’re truly sorry, telling it all right away will put you on the right track to recovery.

3. Evaluate your relationship.
Do you really want to be with him? Now is the time to be honest with yourself. You are not doing anyone a favor by sticking around. If you do not want to be with your man, then now is the time to let him know so that you do not waste his time or your time. 

4. Ask for forgiveness.
He may not want to hear that you are sorry, but ask for forgiveness. If you can’t do this in person, write it out. Whichever way you can express your regret the point is to make sure that you do it. Also, if his parents found out, apologize to them too. Man up.

5. Respect your man.
He will have good and bad days. Respect him. Yes, it will be awkward when he randomly gets down but you need to understand that his emotions are hitting highs and lows. Give him your empathy and patience. The ups and downs are part of the healing process.

6. Cut out whatever started it.
I am not saying you need to fall off the grid, but be sure you cut off any communications with the person you cheated with. Most importantly, make sure that guy knows you are not interested in him because you still want to be with your man. If you met him through an app or at a club, delete that app or stop going to that place. If you’re serious about getting back with your man, don’t leave an open door.

7. Rebuild Trust.

Similar to number 6, you will have to rebuild his trust. Whether that’s giving him access to your phone, or letting him know where you’re at. Obviously this isn’t your partner’s right to control you, but you have to do things on his term. Maybe all he wants is a phone call or a text during the day to let him know where you are. Suck it up. If he never asks you to do this, then just be sure you respect his terms. He may not want to be physical for awhile, and you should respect that.

8. Listen to him.
Your man wants this relationship to work so he will have some requests; listen to those requests. It may be as small as taking a few minutes each day to talk about your feelings, turning off your phone when you’re with him, running errands with him. Or did he mention he saw a shirt he liked? Gift it to him! These little steps will make a difference, and prove to him that you’re fighting for him.

9.  Prepare for the aftermath.
I repeat, there will be some emotional moments. Be ready for these and try to be as understanding as possible.

10. Be happy.
I’m assuming you’re truly sorry you cheated so don’t mope about it and feel sorry for yourself. Be happy and stay positive. The relationship is worth it and he’s worth it so don’t mess it up by getting down and bringing negative energy. Always smile and give it your best.